


Follow You Home

by scullywolf



Series: Growing a Home [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 09:36:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1158077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scullywolf/pseuds/scullywolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their first day back in Pete's World together, Rose and the Doctor sort things out after Bad Wolf Bay, Mark II.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Seems like everyone's got a post-JE story. This one's mine.

"I said 'Rose Tyler.'"

"Yeah? And how was that sentence gonna end?"

_Please don't make me say it. If I have to say it I will never leave. And I have_ got _to leave._

"Does it need saying?"

Of course it needed saying. He wasn't an idiot. (Rather profoundly the opposite, actually.) But it had to be said by the other man. The one who shared his memories and could repeat exactly what he would have told her before, if he'd had the chance. The Doctor watched his double lean over to whisper the words, literally biting his own tongue in order to avoid mouthing them along, silently.

"I'll love you for the rest of my forever."

And that was that. The Doctor swallowed hard and turned back to Donna and the TARDIS before his hearts could be broken further.

* * *

Rose tore her mouth away with a gasp when she heard the TARDIS door click shut.

_No. Damn it, no!_

She ran forward a few steps, halting as the ship's engines groaned and the blue box faded away. He had left her. Again. Left without so much as a goodbye, have a fantastic life...

It was as if the last three years had never happened. Everything she'd done, all that work, only to find herself right back on that bloody stupid beach. The worst day of her life, encore performance.

It was startling, then, to feel his hand slip into hers. She'd just watched him disappear, and yet there he stood beside her, his right hand in her left, not so different from their very first moments together. Her thumb stroked his, sheer muscle memory responsible. She searched his face, seeking and nearly finding familiarity in it, but not quite.

Blimey, it was confusing.

The ache in her gut fought with the soaring in her chest, and for a moment her vision swam and bile threatened to rise in her throat. The cognitive dissonance was somehow worse with him right there, touching her, looking at her. She dropped his hand, and then her gaze.

"Just...just give me a minute, yeah?"

"Rose, he didn't have a -"

"Don't." She rounded on him then, angry and hurt and just a little bit grateful to have a target for it. "If you really are him, you bloody well know as well as I do that he would say there is always a choice!"

_And he didn't choose me._

The tears came then, and she strode past him, past her mum, walking back up the beach toward the road.

* * *

The Doctor watched Rose walk away and shifted his full attention toward not panicking. His heart rate had skyrocketed when the TARDIS dematerialized, and the analytical part of his brain registered his now-sweating palms and the beginnings of tunnel vision and recognized them as human physiological responses to stress. Well. Palm sweat. _That_ was new.

He tried to focus on his breathing, tried to direct his thoughts toward a more calm and rational trajectory, but his involuntary inner monologue skipped like a scratched record. _TARDIS TARDIS TARDIS TARDIS..._ His beautiful ship. The only truly enduring companion he'd had in his entire life and more of a home than his people's planet had ever been. Lost to him forever. For real, this time.

No.

He plunged his hand into his jacket pocket and closed his fingers around the faintly-humming bit of coral there. He still had a piece of her with him and would have another TARDIS eventually. ( _They_ would. He and Rose, together.) The Time Lord's parting gift, clutched in the human Doctor's hand like a lifeline, was going to grow into a new ship within a year or so. Fourteen months, maybe, if Donna had been correct. (Oh, Donna. Poor, poor brilliant Donna...but he couldn't afford to dwell on her fate just yet.) It would be all right. Probably. There was no guarantee he would be able to set up the exact conditions required for accelerated growth, but he'd always quite liked hope, hadn't he?

Comforted somewhat (just a bit...bit of an ish) he took a shaky breath and turned his gaze back on Rose. Well, and on Jackie, who had gone after her and was throwing an agitated glance back over her shoulder at him. He supposed he hadn't really expected Rose to just ride off with him into the sunset as it were, without a second thought for the Time Lord version of himself, though he'd not allowed himself to even consider the possibility that she wouldn't eventually come round. (Talking of panic...) But the rejection still stung. Even worse, perhaps, was watching her stride away, hunched and hurting, while he remained powerless to help her. For the time being, anyway. When they had traveled together, sometimes, Rose needed space to be angry and frustrated and work through whatever was upsetting her and, in time, she would come find him so they could talk about it. (Space and time. When didn't it all come back to space and time?) At some point, she always let him back in and they managed to sort things out, usually over tea. Of course, there was no guarantee that she hadn't changed so much in their time apart that they couldn't fall back into their old pattern. He cringed at the possibility before dismissing it. They would sort it out.

After taking one last long look at the TARDIS's imprint in the sand, the Doctor turned and began to follow the Tyler women up the beach. It was going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

"Rose, sweetheart?"

Rose's breath hitched, and her legs threatened to give out. She looked around for a rock or something to sit on. Finding nothing, she stopped walking, wavered a second, then turned around to wrap her mum in a hug.

"Shh, there now," Jackie soothed. "It's not so bad as all that, is it? He said they're basically the same man, yeah? An' I saw you snog the hell out of him after he whispered in your ear back there, so I can imagine what he musta told you. Isn't this what you wanted?"

Rose couldn't speak. She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face into Jackie's shoulder. Her mum, whom she had resigned herself to never seeing again, before she took that last trip with the dimension cannon, held her tightly.

What she wanted.

That was the problem, wasn't it? Some small, guilty part of her couldn't believe her luck to have him there, the part-human Doctor who would grow old alongside her, there in the parallel universe with her family. Who told her he loved her. Who looked like her Doctor and sounded and felt like him and, hell, even smelled like him. Who remembered everything they had been through together, even back when he wore leather and a scowl. And not having to choose between him and her family? That was even better than she could have ever dared hope for. Blimey, she would get to watch Tony grow up after all.

And yet.

The look on his face, when he'd seen her in the street, and the way he'd hugged her in the TARDIS after the regeneration-that-wasn't...even if he hadn't been able to say it, she did know. How could she not?

And now he was still out there. On his own. With Donna, sure, but that wasn't the same, not really. And as angry as she was at him for leaving her, for not giving her a choice - and she was _very_ angry - she was also heartbroken for him. Why couldn't he let himself be happy? Let them be happy. Yeah, she'd wither and die (as he had once so tactfully put it), and he would lose her eventually, but they could have had years together first. Why couldn't they have had those years? How come he got to decide what was "best" for everyone involved? 

Rose took a deep breath and let it out in a shuddering sigh. Opening her eyes, she could see the new Doctor making his way toward them, eyes downcast, hands shoved in his pockets. She had no idea what to say to him. Didn't even know where to start. Whether to slap him for leaving or snog him for staying. Everything was all still so new and raw and mad.

He looked up then, and she held his gaze a moment, over Jackie's shoulder.

"Go an' talk to him. I need to phone your father, let him know what's happened. Probably need to use your mobile, though. Doubt I'll have a signal on mine, out here in the middle of bloody nowhere. I'll walk up toward that little road, give you some space. You an' the Doctor catch me up, but don't dawdle too much."

Rose dug her phone out of her jacket pocket and handed it over. "I don't...I dunno what to say to him, Mum."

"You'll figure it out, sweetheart."

* * *

A mere ten feet of wind and sand separated the Doctor and Rose. He waited, hands still firmly in his pockets, unwilling to press Rose into more than she was ready for. Let her initiate, and then be there for her a hundred ten percent when she did; that was his plan.

He rocked back on his heels slightly, watching her. The way she looked at him was rather a lot like the first time he'd regenerated in front of her, when she'd tried to puzzle out whether or not it was actually him. He could see her fear and doubt and protective defiance (you're not him and you're not fooling me, I'm warning you, send him back to me right now), and just that tiny spark of hope that maybe, maybe he was telling her the truth and that it really was him in there after all, behind unfamiliar eyes. This time, though, her look also held anger and sadness and loss. There hadn't exactly been time for a nice, long chat, what with Daleks in the street and the impending end of the universe and all of that, but her posture alone spoke volumes. Arms crossed defensively across her chest, body slightly bladed, shoulders rounded, tension in her abdomen and jaw: this was a hardened Rose. He could only guess at the things she'd seen in the time they'd been apart, but it didn't require even a fraction of his deductive skill to guess that they hadn't been nice things. 

They would have time for that chat soon, though. _Got nothing but time now, living our lives, day after day._

And so he waited.

* * *

_It's not fair, him looking at me like that._

It was jarring, still, the blue suit and the not-quite-right hair. It was just a little bit spikier than she was used to seeing it, but she could almost chalk that up to the wind. The suit, though, and those bright red trainers, served as a stark reminder that this Doctor before her was different.

(“Good different or bad different?” _Just...different._ )

But then there were the eyes. His eyes were where everything got all sort of muddled and weird in her head. They were the Doctor's eyes, and he was looking at her with such concern – both for her and for his own situation (the uncertainty he must be feeling as to where he stood with her now) – that she fought back the reflex to step forward, wrap herself in his arms and forget all about parallel worlds and biological metacrises and painful non-goodbyes on windy beaches. It was tempting. Oh, was it ever.

If only it didn't still feel like such a betrayal. Like she was just forgetting about her Doctor and her promise of forever, accepting what basically amounted to a carbon copy as though it were the original. But that wasn't an entirely fair assessment of the situation, either.

(“He needs you. That's very me.” _Except clearly you don't need me, Doctor, or you'd have let me stay with you._ )

Also not exactly fair.

Fury and sorrow and frustration cycled through her in waves. It was maddeningly paralyzing. For nearly three years she'd had a single, all-consuming goal. She had pushed herself to the brink and beyond, foregoing sleep and anything more substantial in her stomach than a Vitex and an Aero bar, all in the interest of one more test; tweak settings and try again, this time it might work. She had been driven and focused and always, always striving forward. But she had been angry and distraught and intensely, intensely frustrated at times then, and it had never left her feeling like this. This sense of paralysis was so foreign and uncomfortable and was, she supposed, the result of no longer having an objective. What the hell was she supposed to do, now?

And still he stood there. Still looking at her. While she remained unmoving before him. 

“Oi, Rose! Your phone's ringin!”

Jackie's voice jolted her back to attention. Rose turned toward her mum, then back to the Doctor. She took another deep breath and made a decision. She held out her hand. He closed the distance between them in a few big strides and gratefully took the one thing she was currently capable of offering him. It was a start. They made their way toward Jackie, who was in turn walking back toward them.

“If it was up to you two we'd be out here all bloomin' day, an' you just staring. Goodness knows I'd like nothing more than a hot shower and a cuppa.”

She held out the ringing mobile to Rose, who took it and answered, dropping the Doctor's hand to cover her other ear.

“Control? Yes, I'm back. Norway, yeah. No...no, not yet! I'll phone when I'm...no, please!” She pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it. “Shit!”

The Doctor raised his eyebrows. 

“Bloody idiots are bringing me back to base to debrief. I've got about 15 seconds. Listen, Mum, use your teleport and take him back home and look after him, please. They don't know he's here, and I don't want Torchwood involved yet if we can help it.”

“But the dimensional walls are closed again,” the Doctor began.

“Still works as a local teleport. Look, I'm sorry, I wanted more time to sort things out before we went back to London, but I can't stop the shift once it's been intiated.” She reached forward and gave his arm a quick squeeze before bracing herself for the cannon jump.

The Doctor nodded slowly. “Right, then. Well I'll...”

Rose vanished in a burst of light.

“...see you back at your Mum's,” he finished, quietly.


	2. Chapter 2

_Well, that was unexpected._

Watching Rose disappear was nearly as unsettling as watching the TARDIS disappear. His only remaining point of focus had vanished. His usual confidence in unfamiliar situations was sort of muted (another Donna influence?), though he concentrated hard on not showing his trepidation. Might have been concentrating a bit too hard, as he jumped when Jackie spoke again.

“Right, then. Shall we?”

He squinted. 

“Not a big fan of teleports, but I don't suppose we've got any other options, have we? Not exactly thick on the ground, options. Well, we could walk somewhere and get a car, but that'd be a hell of a walk, looks like, since I can't see anything resembling a city or town or village or hamlet or...”

“Oi! Right genius you are, Doctor. Here we are, back of beyond, not another human being around for miles an' miles, an' you shoulda seen the last time we were here, poor Rose half mad leadin' us further an' further. Why the hell you had to bring us back here this time I can't even imagine. Shame on you for makin' her go through all a that again!”

“Oi, I'm not the one who set the coordinates! I mean...well, that is...but this is where the gap between the worlds was the widest. Where it would close last. Where we'd have the most time for...”

“For what? That goodbye she didn' even get?”

He winced at that. Jackie softened a bit.

“All I'm sayin' is you better be ready to make it up to her. That girl loves you more than she's ever loved anything in her whole life. Oh I can see you're still the Doctor, even if she's havin' a hard time with it. An' she's gonna miss the other one an' worry about him an' you can't take it personally, but she'll come round. I know my daughter an' trust me, she'll come round.”

“I hope so,” he nearly whispered.

“She will, Doctor. Just give her time an' let her feel whatever she's gonna feel. It'll come back round to loving you. She doesn't know how to do anything else.” Jackie put her hand on his elbow, tried to give him a comforting pat. “An' she'd kill me for sayin' it, but thank you for always sendin' her home to me. Or tryin' anyway, even though she's stubborn. But even now, even though she's torn up about it, I could kiss that bloody alien for givin' her a reason to stay here, when none of us was enough of one before. Her own flesh an' blood, but she'd leave me forever to have one more day with you. Now can we go home?”

The Doctor took her hand with a grin. “Allons-y.” 

* * *

Rose appeared with a crackling whoosh in the Cannon Room at Torchwood HQ. 

“I _said_ I wasn't ready...”

She was cut off by Jake, who had thrown his arms around her.

“You did it!” he exclaimed. “The stars came back! You found the Doctor, and you brought the stars back!”

Rose spared him a little smile and raised a hand to pat his back. “Well, actually it was Donna...”

“And how did you end up in Norway?” That was Toshiko, who was in charge of navigation. “We didn't shift you. We were tracking you in the other dimension, and then you were just gone. We thought that meant the gap between the worlds had closed. But then we picked up your signal again, back in this world! What happened?”

“Yeah, I got a lift back through the Void in the TARDIS. Norway's where the gap was widest, so that's where the Doctor took us.”

“Blimey, Tyler!” Jake said. “D'you mean the Doctor's in Norway and we...no, the TARDIS isn't showing up on the screen. But...hold on...I thought you weren't coming back. Wasn't that the whole point? And Mickey! But he'll just jump here...he should be here any second...and your Mum!”

“Mickey's not coming back,” Rose interrupted. Jake's face fell. “I'm sorry, but he decided to stay in the other universe, now his gran's gone from this one. And afterward...well, the Doctor brought me and Mum back through the gap and then he and Donna left again. Mum will have jumped home by now, but you made me leave her there, so next time, do me a favor and listen when I tell you I'm not ready!”

That last was directed at Tosh, who looked away guiltily. 

“I mean, not that there's even gonna be a next time, but still...”

“But I don't understand,” Jake continued. “After all that...you didn't want to stay with him after all?”

_Well, if that's not a verbal punch to the gut._

“Wasn't as simple as all that, Jake.” 

She shut her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. She needed to hold it together in front of her team, but it all still hurt so badly. Like she'd spent days and days climbing an enormous mountain, only to be flung back to the bottom immediately upon reaching the peak. Congratulations, you did it! Now sod off.

“I'm sorry, Rose,” Tosh said softly. “Are you all right?” 

She wasn't quite all right. She was in fact very much not all right. If she could have snapped her fingers and magically regained her emotional stability, she'd have done so without a second's hesitation. The abandonment gnawed at her, though. At least, before, when she'd been trapped a universe away after the battle of Canary Wharf, he had wanted to get her back but couldn't. (He _had_ wanted to, hadn't he?) But then she'd made her way back to him, and he'd left her anyway. Had left in the TARDIS without a proper goodbye or anything. Vanished away without a word.

Well, except he was also waiting for her back at her Mum and Dad's. 

She was struck, suddenly, wondering how everything was affecting _that_ Doctor. She felt a bit selfish (all right, more than a bit) for not having given much thought before then to how he might be feeling about the whole situation. He had been forced to give up everything – his home, his freedom, and who knew how many friends from the other universe, not to mention Donna, whom Rose would very much have liked to have known better. But most especially his TARDIS.

_Oh. He must miss her. He must miss her a lot._

She hadn't really caught what Donna had said, before; the gist of it, though, was they'd be able to grow their own TARDIS in some fraction of the thousands of years it would ordinarily take. Whether that meant months or years or decades wasn't clear, but it was something, some spark of hope for the future, and that was a good thing, right?

Rose rubbed her eyes. She'd promised once that she would never leave him. And she never had, not voluntarily anyway, and she still wouldn't. _He_ had chosen to leave _her_ , but _she_ could still be there for _him_. She was knackered, well and truly, exhausted enough that the best possible idea at that very moment seemed to be to stop dwelling and to move forward. Besides, if the past three years had taught her anything, it was that nothing was impossible and nothing was forever. Sooner or later, there would be some new threat to the universe, to all the universes, and cracks between the worlds would reappear. Maybe they would see the other Doctor again someday, maybe they wouldn't, but he had made his choice. Had made the choice for all of them.

And now she would make the only choice she could do. She would miss the Time Lord and grieve for him as she had grieved for the first face of his she'd known. But there was really no question she was always going to choose the Doctor, whether he had big ears or great hair or one heart. 

She looked at Toshiko and Jake, who were both watching her with concern. She shrugged.

“Honestly, no. I'm not all right yet. But I'll get there. Mostly I'm just knackered and would like to go home. Let's do this debrief so I can get outta here, yeah?”

Lucky for Rose, it was after hours, so Jake and Tosh were the only ones left in the office for the day. The rest of her small team would be alerted that she'd returned, but she could wait a day or two to address them and file anything official. For the time being, she filled them in on the basics of what had transpired on the Crucible, opting to leave out the bit about the metacrisis and giving a hand-wavy half explanation for how Donna was able to work out how to defeat the Daleks. Rose could get away with a little evasiveness in the verbal report, though she would have to talk to Pete and figure out what she was going to write up in the official end-of-operation documents. 

Jake was obviously itching to ask for more details about the Doctor's departure and Mickey's decision not to return, but he opted not to press her on it just yet, for which Rose was grateful. She finished up and said her goodbyes. For all her confusion, she was eager to get back to the new Doctor. (No, not new Doctor. Just the Doctor.) She still wasn't quite sure what to say to him or how to proceed, but she was determined to try. And after everything they'd both been through, she wasn't about to spend any more time apart from him. 

* * *

The Doctor sat in the dining room with his tea and Jackie Tyler, watching the clock, which was a little redundant, given that his time sense was still more or less operating at full capacity, but oddly calming in a way. He could almost lose himself in the ticking hands. Almost. Jackie had fussed over him and tried to feed him; he'd waved her off at first, then finally agreed to tea and biscuits. Pete and Tony were due back any minute, but the Doctor was much more interested in how much longer Rose might be.

He chewed his lip absently and caught himself drumming his fingers on the table at least three different times. She was only across town, but she may as well have been in another world; any distance at all between them was the last thing they needed. (Honestly, anything more than a couple of feet was too much, as far as he was concerned, but that was _maybe_ a touch too clingy of him.) At the very least, the sooner they could have a talk, the sooner she would realize he really was the same man she'd worked so hard to get back to. He was growing increasingly anxious about her being at Torchwood with that cannon thing. 

_She wouldn't...I mean, she probably couldn't, but she wouldn't try...would she?_

Jackie's mobile beeped on the table. The Doctor had to stop himself lunging for it. Jackie picked it up.

“Text from Rose. Says she's on her way. So you can stop fretting now, all right?”

He smiled and let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. “Oh, I'm not...”

“Like hell you aren't,” Jackie snorted. “Great big half-alien gob a yours'd be running nonstop 'f you weren't so busy brooding.”

He opened his mouth to protest but couldn't actually refute her claim in anything like a convincing manner. 

The front door opened, and the Doctor was out of his chair and bounding toward the foyer before it occurred to him that there was no way Rose would have arrived so quickly. He stopped, a bit sheepish, and returned to the table, though he opted to remain standing, hands resting on the chair back. 

_I meant to do that. Absolutely. Just stretching the legs._

“Oh, shut up,” he said when Jackie smirked at him.

“Mummy!” 

Tony Tyler barreled into the dining room and flung himself at Jackie's legs. Jackie pulled him up on her lap and wrapped him in a hug. Pete entered the room then, and the Doctor waved. 

“Seems you've saved the day once again, Doctor. Thanks for keeping my girls safe and getting them home again. And, you know, the whole thing with the stars.”

“Well, to be fair, I didn't actually keep anyone safe, and Donna Noble was the one who stopped Davros's reality bomb, so really...”

“He means 'you're welcome,' love,” Jackie interrupted, rolling her eyes.

“And what's this Jacks said about you being, er, that is, about there being two of you?” Pete asked.

“Yeah, well, long story that. You see, I lost my hand in a sword fight, but I grew another one because it was still early in my regeneration cycle, and a friend of mine found the hand and kept it in a biostability vessel, and then he gave it back to me, and then _later_ , after I got shot by a Dalek and needed to regenerate _again_ , I didn't want to actually change my appearance, so I healed myself and siphoned off the excess energy into the hand, and then later _still_ , we were in a life-or-death sort of situation, and Donna Noble touched the vessel containing the hand, and _that_ sparked an instantaneous biological metacrisis, and, well, I grew out of that. I'm not a Time Lord, not a full Time Lord anyway, because Donna was the one who initiated the metacrisis, so her physiology in some ways shaped what I've become, and she's human. I've only got one heart and won't be able to regenerate again. But everything else is more or less the same. I have all my old memories, up to the point the Dalek shot me of course, and excepting a few minor quirks of personality, courtesy Donna Noble, best temp in Chiswick, I'm the same man I ever was, even if this is not _technically_ the very same version of me that you've met before. He's gone back to his universe, back to his Time Lord life, doing what he must. But I can be here for Rose and with Rose, and I want to be. If she'll have me.” 

Pete nodded, not entirely following. He had seen a lot of things in the years he'd been heading Torchwood, but he still hadn't quite grown accustomed to the strangeness and variety of alien biology. Growing another full body from a hand? Like a sea star? Well, not that sea stars had hands exactly, but anyway. He crossed the room and sat down beside Jackie, leaning over to give her a kiss.

“So you'll be staying here, then? Or do you have your own spacecraft?”

The Doctor pulled the piece of TARDIS coral from his pocket and set it on the table between them.

“No ship yet, but with a bit of care, and under the right conditions, this should be able to grow into a new TARDIS in a little over a year.”

Pete picked it up and examined it. “You know, Rose said that your ship was some sort of living entity, but I never would have guessed it could grow from something that small,” he said.

“Oh, marvelous things, TARDISes. Brilliant, beautiful creatures,” the Doctor gushed, taking the coral back from Pete and returning it gently to his pocket. “And ordinarily it would take thousands of years to grow one, but Donna came up with this truly ingenious solution to accelerate the growth process. It might require a bit of technological trickery to accomplish all of the steps, and I'm hoping perhaps you'll have something suitable at Torchwood. But there's plenty of time for that.”

He glanced at the clock and resisted the sudden urge to pace.

“Should be about another five minutes,” Jackie told him. “You can go wait in the foyer if you'd like, though it won't make her get here any faster.”

The Doctor flicked his eyes briefly toward the doorway, but sat again instead. He drained the last of his tea and offered his last biscuit to Tony, who glanced at his mother for permission. Jackie gave a small nod, and Tony eagerly snatched up the biscuit, grinning.

“Oi, what do we say?” Jackie admonished.

“Thank you Mister Doctor,” Tony said.

The Doctor beamed, then winked. “Just 'Doctor' is fine, Master Tyler.”

* * *

Rose's heart pounded in that moment before she opened the front door. She'd spent so long trying to find him, but things had turned out so differently from any of the myriad scenarios she'd conjured up, lying awake those many nights before she'd started consistently working herself to exhaustion. It was continuing to throw her for a loop, being back in the parallel world with him, but also separated from him still. And since their snog on the beach, Rose and the Doctor had hardly spoken. To know him but simultaneously not know him was unsettling, to say the least.

_Right. No time like the present._

She took a deep breath and pushed the door open. There was a scrambling sound, and a scraping, and the Doctor bounded into the hallway in front of her, then stopped, looking for all the world like an puppy waiting for a biscuit. Her mouth quirked, and he looked a little bit embarrassed about his entrance.

“I...sorry, I...hello, Rose,” he said.

“Hello,” she replied with a small grin, then stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. He returned the hug eagerly, and for a moment the events of the past couple of days were nearly forgotten as the two of them simply enjoyed the embrace. The Doctor gave a contented little sigh, and Rose smiled broadly, even as tears pricked behind her closed eyelids.

“Rose!”

Tony slammed into his sister's legs with all the enthusiasm of a two-and-a-half year-old. Rose managed to retain her balance, if only just, and let go of the Doctor in order to kneel down and hug her little brother tightly. She had been fully prepared to leave him, and the rest of her family, but the fact that she no longer had to was truly an unexpected gift. A tear escaped down her cheek as she pulled back to ruffle his hair.

“Wotcha, sport?”

Jackie strode into the foyer then. 

“Tony, I asked you to go use the loo and wash up for supper. Leave your poor sister be.”

Tony bounded away up the stairs, and Jackie looked at Rose, still crouched on the floor.

“You two stayin' for supper, then? I dunno if there's even any food left, over at your flat. Mickey cleaned out most of it once you started stayin' at Torchwood through the night. You're welcome to eat here, even sleep here tonight if you like. Sort your things tomorrow.”

Rose looked up and caught the Doctor's concerned expression. Whether he was concerned about Mickey having a key to her flat or the prospect of a big family meal or what she went through with the dimension cannon, she couldn't say. And part of her was tempted to accept her mum's offer; her flat was not especially well-equipped, as far as food and the various typical guest accoutrements were concerned. She'd moved out of the manor shortly after the first trip to Darlig Ulv Stranden, but once she'd started working on the cannon project, she'd hardly spent any time there at all. And with the exception of one room, she'd never really managed to make the place feel like a home.

_Oh god, my bedroom. Never thought he'd have to see that. He's going to think I'm pathetic._

Even so, they needed to be on their own; it would force them past the awkwardness in a way that being hovered over by Jackie and harrangued by Tony would not. She stood up and shook her head.

“Nah, 'f it's all right with the Doctor, I think we'll just grab some takeaway and go back to mine.” She looked to him for confirmation, and he nodded. “But I need to talk to Dad before we leave. 'Bout work. Is he in the study?”

“Dining room still, I think. He only got here a few minutes before you did,” Jackie replied. “Doctor, why don't you come with me and grab a few things of Pete's to borrow, seein' as you have no clothes apart from what you're wearing. Doubt Rose has much at her place that'll suit you. C'mon then.”

The Doctor raised his eyebrows and started to balk, but he could see the logic in Jackie's suggestion and let his shoulders slump in acquiescence. Rose gave him an amused and slightly pitying look and reached out to give his hand a squeeze.

“Won't be a minute,” she assured him. “Meet you back here, and we'll be off.”

He gave her a somewhat pained glance, then turned to follow Jackie up the stairs. 

Pete looked up from his laptop when Rose entered the dining room. Rose's throat constricted just a bit. The parallel Pete Tyler might not have actually been her father, but they'd grown close just the same. He was yet another person she hadn't had to leave after all. 

“So, didn't expect to see you back,” he said somewhat wryly. “But I'm glad. Confused, but glad.”

Rose smiled. “Confused doesn't even begin to cover it. But I think I'm glad, too. That's what I wanted to talk to you about, though. The Doctor's not...well, this version of him's not entirely alien. I'm not quite sure of the specifics yet, but I think in most of the important physical ways he's basically indistinguishable from a human. So I was hoping...maybe, could we skip past the whole Torchwood testing and cataloging and just...pretend he's a regular bloke? Which, I mean, he more or less is, now. So it wouldn't even be pretending. Not really. And it's not like he's dangerous.”

_Well, no more dangerous than I am, anyway._

Pete sighed. “I understand you don't want to subject him to the usual procedures, but it's breaking protocol enough that we're not putting him under quarantine. At the very least, you'll need Torchwood's resources to get him set up with identification and the like, so he's going to end up in the database regardless. I'm sorry, sweetheart, but you're not going to be able to avoid it entirely. Take a week, though. Not as though he's a flight risk. Get him settled in, then come round the offices and we'll do as little as possible of the usual alien cataloging routine.”

Rose looked down at her hands. Pete did have a point about needing Torchwood to create a legal identity for the Doctor. But there was still the matter of her official operations report.

“Well what about...when I write up my final report on the cannon project, yeah? Can I just...do I have to mention his involvement? I mean, do I have to mention both of...him?”

Pete cocked his head to one side. “I'm not sure what you mean. The report wouldn't be a matter of public record, and the dimension cannon project is highly classified anyway, so access to the report will be extremely limited. Why would you want to withold details about the operation?”

“I just...I don't want to involve him if I don't have to, that's all.” It sounded stupid even to her own ears. “Plus it's hard to explain. The metacrisis and everything. Would be more straightforward with just the one Doctor.”

_Of course, that'd mean pinning the annihilation of the Daleks on him. Blimey would he object to that. But it's not as if he'll ever see the report anyway._

Pete narrowed his eyes and took a slow breath in and out through his nose. “Well, I suppose the bottom line is that there are three people on this planet who know what precisely went on up there. Look, like I said, take the next week off. Talk to the Doctor, sort out what you want to do, and we'll discuss this again when you've had some time. But I want you to write down a full, unedited version of events tomorrow, while everything is still fresh in your mind. Whether or not this version will eventually be what you write up and turn in officially, we'll figure out in a week's time. That work for you?”

Rose nodded after a moment's consideration. This was as good a deal as she was likely to get. “Thanks, Dad.”

He stood up then and walked round the table to give her a hug. “Off with you, then. Get some rest. And thanks for saving the world.”

“Anytime,” she replied with a smile.

* * *

Jackie had managed to find him a small knapsack, into which the Doctor had crammed a pair of trousers that were almost certainly two sizes too large, a couple of t-shirts, some socks, and a toothbrush, new in box. (He'd declined the offer of loaned pants. That was just taking things too far. He'd wear his own or none at all, ta.) He was horribly chagrined at the knapsack's distinct lack of transdimensionality, but it had kept Jackie from shoving half of Pete's wardrobe at him, so he couldn't complain too vehemently. He thanked her and trotted back downstairs to wait for Rose, arriving in the foyer just moments before she did. She smiled at him and held out her hand, which he eagerly took.

“Oi, don't you two leave yet!”

Jackie came down the stairs then, Tony on her hip. She set him on the floor and grabbed her daughter in a tight hug. “You were brilliant today. I knew you would be, but I couldn't just sit around in a control room an' watch blips on a screen. Nor could Mickey.” 

Rose nodded against her mum's shoulder and said, “I know. I'm just glad we all made it outta there alive.”

“An' you, you daft alien,” she said, releasing Rose and turning to embrace the Doctor, “thanks for your part in alla this. I don't care what the other one said, you did what needed doin'. Far as I'm concerned, you're a bloomin' hero.”

The Doctor gave a bit of a sad smile. “Well, I don't know about that, but thank you.”

“We're off, Mum. Love you.” Rose knelt down to give Tony another squeeze. “Love you too, sport. Be good for Mum, yeah? She's had a rough day.”

“Okay Rose. Bye Mister Doctor.”

“You have a good evening, Master Tyler,” the Doctor replied with a smile.

Rose stood, reclaimed the Doctor's hand, and the two of them finally made their way out to her car (which was, he noted, a very familiar shade of blue). He climbed in the passenger seat and settled the knapsack on the floor between his feet. Rose sat down behind the wheel and turned to look at him.

“Pizza all right with you? If I phone the order in now, we won't have to wait too long at the flat for the delivery, and I really don't feel like getting food out anywhere with my trousers still all covered with sand.”

“Sure, brilliant, whatever you want,” he said, perhaps a bit too quickly. (Nerves? Nervous around Rose Tyler? What the hell was that about?) “That is, pizza sounds great. Just, erm, no olives. I thinkI don't like olives now. Well, I don't like the thought of olives, anyway, and I remember quite well that Donna was not a fan, so it certainly seems possible that I don't like them now either. I suppose I should try one to find out, but I don't particularly want to test that theory on my first meal as a part-human. Well, first actual meal. I'm not sure half a plate of biscuits counts as a meal, really...”

At least the rambling was nothing new. Rose took it in stride, the way she took everything in stride, his brilliant Rose, quirking an eyebrow at him before pressing a button on the steering wheel to activate the hands-free phone and placing the order. She started the car and soon they were underway, heading back into the city. Several minutes passed in unusually awkward silence (unusual for them, anyway), both grasping for something light to say, despite both having very heavy things on their minds. The Doctor was starting to get frustrated about his inability to find anything to talk about when he realized, suddenly, that he was completely knackered. Before he could stop himself, he yawned, bringing his hands up to rub his face.

“Ugh, how do you humans stand it, getting this tired this easily? Is it always like this? Honestly, Rose, I don't know how you kept up with me so well, how any of you did. All that grief I always gave you about sleeping so much, I take it all back. Well, most of it. You really do sleep _a lot_.”

Rose's mouth quirked into a tiny smile at that. 

“Is it really weird? Y'know, being human...ish?”

“A little. Well, no, yeah, of course it's strange. You try going your entire, impressively long, life with a binary vascular system and then waking up one day with half of it gone. Throws off your whole internal rhythm. My senses seem a little blunted, but not too badly. My brain, at least, seems to be fully Time Lord, so that's...”

He trailed off.

“Doctor?”

“Sorry, yes, Time Lord brain, still don't like pears, possibly don't like olives, abnormally tired, hungry, famished in fact, can't stop thinking about pizza. Melted cheese and tomato sauce and mushrooms and...”

“Oi, you're gonna make me hungry too,” Rose complained, grinning.

“Sorry, sorry.” But he was grinning, too.

Rose glanced sidelong at him a moment before turning her eyes back to the road. “So, when you say Time Lord brain...does that mean even though you've got more human...uh, attributes?...now you can still, like, feel the turn of the Earth an' see timelines an' things?”

“Sort of. D'you remember how we crashed the first time we came to this universe? When we fell out of the Time Vortex, and I thought the TARDIS was dead?”

Rose nodded. 

“Well that's because the Time Vortex here doesn't run in sync with the one in our original universe. 'S like...trying to listen to a radio station, and you bump the dial to a slightly different frequency, and you can still hear the station a bit, but now there's a bunch of static as well. And my brain, well, it's still tuned to the other Vortex. I'll be able to adjust to this one, but it'll take some practice. Was easier with the TARDIS this time round; did some analysis on Mickey's dimension jumper, so we were able to recalibrate the TARDIS and make the transition from one Vortex to the other. Temporarily, anyway. She couldn't have stayed here very long; it's complicated, but the energy's different, as well as the frequency. The frequency is what allows me to see timelines and set travel coordinates and such. The energy is what allows the TARDIS to be sustained and allows me to regenerate. Allowed, I suppose. And, well, it's really only part of what allowed me to regenerate. A necessary component, but not the only factor.”

He watched Rose's face as she took in what he'd said. Her eyes had narrowed a bit when he'd mentioned regeneration, but she seemed to be piecing together his explanation with what she'd learned in her work with the dimension cannon. (Which he fully intended to ask more about, somewhat later. After pizza. And sleep.) He loved watching her think. She was still his Rose, but she was different, too. He was eager to get to know her all over again. He still couldn't believe he was so phenomenally lucky as to even have that chance.

“So...we were accessing the Time Vortex without even realizing it, jumping between dimensions?” she asked.

The Doctor shook his head. “Not accessing, no. But you did occasionally brush up against it, basically. You would've bounced right off it, but it would've changed your trajectory in tiny ways. So we were able, Donna and I, to sort of triangulate the Vortex's signature from the jump data stored in Mickey's device. Worked a treat.”

“But only because there was a gap to travel through?” The quiet tension in her voice was impossible to miss.

“That's right,” he confirmed. “Back before the parallel worlds were sealed off from one another, Time Lords traveled between them quite easily. But after the Time War...Rose, you do know I would have come back for you if it had been at all possible, don't you? You have to know that. I would have done anything...”

They lapsed back into silence, mentally reliving a day that had long haunted them both. Rose reached out for the Doctor's hand, threading their fingers together and stroking his thumb with hers. The Doctor decided that words were overrated, just then. 

After a few more minutes, they arrived at Rose's flat. The Doctor peered out the car window, curious of course about the place Rose Tyler had called home for the past several years. It was certainly a step up from the council estate, yet still modest. Even with access to the Tyler Vitex fortune, Rose wasn't one to live extravagantly.

“So. This's it.” She nodded toward the building. “'S not much, but at least there's no mortgage.” A small grin, there. “D'you wanna...oh, brilliant timing.”

She hopped out of the car and began walking toward the vehicle that had just pulled up behind them. The Doctor climbed out as well, retrieving the knapsack from the floor and shutting the door. Rose was smiling at the delivery driver and signing for their dinner, and the Doctor's stomach rumbled as the smell of pizza drifted his way. He slung the knapsack over one shoulder and walked over to stand beside her. Dinner in hand, they headed inside.


	3. Chapter 3

He'd taken the pizza box from her when she'd gone to unlock the door and, somewhat stupidly, she'd been startled. She'd just grown accustomed to handling things on her own, whether that meant balancing a load on one hand or learning how to deal with nightmares or finding her own way across supposedly impenetrable dimensional barriers. And, simple and silly as it was, having someone to share the burden of a cardboard box was unexpected enough to be a little jarring. 

“Not exactly bigger on the inside,” she remarked as they entered the flat. “I had to get out of the mansion, though. Mum threw a fit, of course, but she came round after I walked in on her and Dad in the kitchen...”

The Doctor smirked. “I'll bet she did.”

“'Sides, it was just too weird, living there. After the Cybermen and everything. Not that there isn't plenty else weird in this universe, but...well, I wanted to at least have one thing that I could try to make my own. Even if it's just a little flat.”

He looked around and set the pizza on the small dining table, then dropped the knapsack to the floor. Rose watched him, tracking his eyes and looking where he looked. He took in the sparsely-furnished living room, the tidy kitchen and dining nook, all visible from the front entryway. His eyebrows were raised just a bit, giving him a slightly incredulous air. _He's probably surprised by the lack of clutter, given what he's seen of my previous living spaces. I suppose we all do grow up eventually, though._

“Well I think it's lovely. And I'm honestly more than a little relieved you didn't decide to take Jackie up on her offer of lodgings for the night. I'd rather hoped we could do without the whole big domestic family brou-ha-ha right off the bat.”

Rose stiffened, one hand still on the deadbolt. The Doctor immediately noticed and shook his head.

“No. Rude, and not what I meant. Your mother has been nothing but brave and somewhat unnervingly kind through all of this. I just...” He cleared his throat, and his voice pitched a bit lower. “I'm glad it can be just the two of us. Without, you know, distractions and all of that.”

His tone evoked another memory, and Rose's eyes widened, just for a split second. Their last few weeks together in the TARDIS, before Canary Wharf but after Krop Tor they'd...well, Krop Tor had changed everything (and nothing), hadn't it?...but she was nowhere near ready to jump right back into bed with him, after everything that had just transpired...and it wouldn't even be _back_ into bed with this part-human version of him, would it? Her cheeks began to burn.

“Oh,” he said, correctly intuiting the reason for her sudden flush. “No, I don't mean...I'd just hoped you could bear to be around me at all after, y'know, everything. I'm glad you don't feel the need to put a bunch of other people between us.”

Rose nodded and stepped into the room. She shrugged out of her jacket and draped it on a chair, then squatted down to unlace her boots. The Doctor sat on one of the dining chairs, toeing off his Chucks. Rose stood and stretched her back, slightly.

“Um, d'you mind if I grab a shower? Unless you want first shower...”

“No! No, by all means, you go right ahead. I will eat a slice or five of this delicious pizza, and once you're through in there I'll wash up as well.”

She nodded, gave him another small smile, then padded down the hall toward the bedroom. 

* * *

Rose Tyler. Really there with him. Not a dream, not a memory. Just a closed door away, but really, truly there. He pitied his other self just then. 

_He must have taken Donna home by now. She's strong, but she won't have been able to hold off the mental burnout for that much longer. Poor Donna. And you, you poor bastard. You shove everyone away, thinking it will hurt less, and maybe it will in a way, but you're also adding the pain of regret. I see that now, more than I could before._

He felt it, too. Felt the sadness and anguish and bitter loneliness as if it were still his own. He felt Donna's pain too, the horrible realization that she would have to forget everything she had seen and done and been, and go back to her old life as if none of it had ever happened. It hit him all at once and with such an intensity that he felt tears springing to his eyes. He scrubbed at his face with his hands and tried to keep from actually breaking down. The first hitching sob almost took him by surprise, but then he couldn't manage to stop. He _felt_ everything so much more strongly, with this unfamiliar human biochemistry, and wasn't _that_ wizard? So he let himself cry, seeing no alternative at the moment. At least, he figured, his sobbing was masked by the noise of the shower. 

* * *

In the shower, Rose also broke down. It couldn't be helped. Mentally, she was ready to move forward, but emotionally, the events of the past 48 hours or so could not be denied. She cried for her loss and for the Time Lord Doctor's loss and for the part-human Doctor's loss. She cried because the catharsis was needed and the shower facilitated it. 

Slowly the tears stopped, and Rose stood under the hot water a while longer, not moving, taking deep breaths. Finally she gathered herself together and set about washing the day away, metaphorically scrubbing herself clean of Void stuff and failure and death. It was time, at long last, to put her dimension jumping days behind her. It had been necessary and, ultimately, worth all of the unpleasantness, and the cannon was unquestionably a phenomenal technological achievement, the development of which she was proud to have played a vital role in. But it was far from the most comfortable way to travel, and she was relieved at the thought of (hopefully) never having to endure another jump again. Satisfied at least somewhat, she shut off the water and stepped out of the shower to towel off. She briefly considered changing back into a shirt and trousers, but decided jimjams were a much better choice.

_Not as though he hasn't seen me in less._

The thought was unexpected and involuntary and brought a similarly involuntary flush to her cheeks as she recalled a specific instance that involved her wearing nothing but one of his neckties. Shoving the memory (and several related ones) aside because she Could Not Go There Yet, she dried her hair a bit more, then scooped up her clothes and dumped them in her laundry basket.

She walked back out to the table and stopped short when she saw him, pizza untouched, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. She went to him without hesitation or deliberation. She pulled a chair next to his and sat down, putting her arm around his shoulders. He turned to her, burying his face in her neck and clutching her about the waist. He took gulping breaths and she threaded her fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him however she could. There was no telling what exactly had upset him but she didn't need specifics. This day. That stupid beach. They'd both had it coming, for so many different reasons.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered. “It's just...Donna...”

Rose's hand stilled on the Doctor's head, and her stomach heaved.

_Oh my god. Does he wish he was with her instead of me? Is that why he left me, because I don't measure up against Donna now that she's part Time Lord and brilliant and can be his intellectual equal and oh my god how did I not see this sooner? Stupid, stupid ape._

For a moment she couldn't breathe. 

“You loved her,” she said in a voice that, she hoped, belied her crushing dismay.

It didn't.

* * *

He felt her freeze.

“No. I mean, yes, but...Rose, you don't understand.”

His words were still thick with emotion and he tried to get a grip on himself. He sat up fully, moving his hands to cup her cheeks and adjusting so he could look her directly in the eyes.

“She didn't replace you. She never did. Not her, not Martha, not anyone. No one could and I didn't want them to.”

He waited, making sure that much had sunk in before he continued, only speaking again after she'd given a tiny nod.

“But she was my friend, and I...”

He was too choked up again to go on. Rose misunderstood and tried to comfort him.

“It's okay. Of course you miss her. Believe me, I get that and I'm sorry.”

The Doctor shook his head.

“It's not that. The metacrisis...it's going to kill her unless...a Time Lord consciousness can't be sustained in a brain that is physically human. 'S like...supersaturated. Too much stuff, not enough space. And the only way to stop her brain from burning up is to wipe her memory of anything connected to me or to the TARDIS or to the places we went and the things she saw.”

Rose's eyes were wide and her mouth slightly agape.

“So that means, what, he'll have to wipe her memories and take her back home and never see her again?”

He nodded and said thickly, “It's the only way for her to survive.”

“But...but then she won't remember the amazing things she did. How she saved...everything.”

He shook his head, sadly.

“And he'll be all on his own again after all.”

This last was barely audible, and she looked so forlorn, and he was sorry to have given her yet another reason to be sad. He put his arms back around her and they held each other, neither one able to say anything more.

They sat that way a long while. Rose finally excused herself and went to fetch a box of tissues from the other room, and when she returned, the Doctor stood and impulsively grabbed her up in another hug before she could sit down. It was as though his arms couldn't bear to be without her for another moment. It was odd, feeling so needy and so unable to compartmentalize it like he could have done, before. It struck him that this uncharacteristic insecurity was another Donna trait. Of course, it was one of her most defining characteristics. No wonder it had been passed on to this version of him.

Fortunately, Rose did not seem to object, returning the embrace tightly. When she pulled back, it was to put her hands on either side of his head and press her lips to his brow. (Well, if this was how his lack of control was going to be rewarded, perhaps he wouldn't work so hard at curbing his impulsiveness after all...)

He raised his chin and captured her mouth gently with his own. It wasn't desperate and heated like their kiss on the beach, but soft and deliberate, much more like their first kiss than their last. (Their very first, the one she didn't even remember.) He brought up one hand and stroked her cheek with his thumb, both out of affection and as some small means of comfort. She mirrored the motion against his temple, and he shuddered ever so slightly. Yep, definitely still sensitive there, even part-human.

His stomach growled then (oh how terribly undignified), causing them both to laugh.

“Sure you're not a Slitheen?” Rose joked, and yes, (yes!) there was the tongue between her teeth. A sign of genuine Rose Tyler mirth, if ever there was one.

“I am not a Slitheen,” he said as seriously as he could. “But I suppose I had better eat something before my stomach decides that digesting itself is a viable option. Honestly...ridiculous human physiology.”

Rose gave him another grin and sat down, reaching for a slice of pizza.

* * *

They ate. They talked. When the pizza was gone, Rose made tea. They kept the conversation light, reminiscing. They would return to the sad and the serious later, but in that moment, by unspoken agreement they allowed themselves some time to just be grateful to have one another. Rose felt more content than she had in years. Literally, years. She marveled at how easy it was to forget, at least temporarily, that he was anything other than her same old Doctor. Once she got out of her own head long enough to really look at him and listen to him, the words came easily enough after all.

“And you...you, Rose Tyler...making friends everywhere we ever went!” He was beaming at her. “Marvelous talent of yours, that.”

Rose chuckled a little ruefully. “Fraid I haven't been quite so friendly as all that, lately. Been a bit single-minded, not a lot of time for socializing.”

His smile faded. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly.

She cocked her head to one side. “Are you, really? I dunno, seemed worth it, to me. Ultimately, I mean.”

“I only ever wanted you to be happy, Rose. I suppose I'd hoped...I'd hoped that somehow, in spite of everything, you'd have found a way to be happy and just...”

“Have a fantastic life?” she finished for him.

He winced, and she arched an eyebrow at him. Was he ever going to realize how very much the typical human beans-on-toast existence did not cut it for her anymore? Hell, he was the one who had taught her not to take “You can't” for an answer.

“I suppose I should have learned way back then not to underestimate your stubbornness.”

She snorted. “Pretty thick sometimes for a bloke with a great big Time Lord brain.”

The silence stretched between them as Rose considered whether or not to utter her next thought aloud. He regarded her with a questioning look in his eyes, and he reached his hand forward and set it on the table between them. She took it without hesitation and inhaled deeply.

“You're going to have to stop trying to make every huge decision for me, you know. I really, _really_ mean it. If we are going to make this work, that habit of yours has _got_ to go.”

“Rose, I don't -”

“I can see the logic behind him leaving us here. But I _hate_ that I wasn't allowed to have a say in it.”

“But would you have come to the same conclusion?” he asked. “Would you have been able to see, in the midst of everything, that this choice would have the best possible outcome? And there wasn't exactly a lot of time for debate and consideration, with the dimensional retroclosure already in progress.”

“I don't know,” she answered honestly. “But I wish you'd at least given me a chance to try. You don't have any idea what I went through, trying to get back. How much I was willing to sacrifice...”

“He couldn't bear it,” he blurted. “I know because I couldn't bear it either, and I'm sorry. It was selfish and cowardly and I'm sorry but that conversation would have been too difficult to have. Because if you'd asked to stay, just asked outright, he wouldn't have been able to refuse you. ”

“And would that have been so terrible?”

“But what about your mother? And Pete and Tony? You would never have been able to see them again, ever.”

“Seems you forgot, but we've already had that conversation,” she said, somewhat wryly, shaking her head. “Look, I don't want to focus on the things I can't change. It's probably gonna take me a while to fully get past it, but I really don't have the energy to dwell on it any more tonight. I just need to know, need you to know, that it's gonna be different from here on out.”

She watched him take in her words. He hesitated before nodding. There was no chance it would be as simple as that; she couldn't change his nature any more than he could change hers. But it was a start, and if nothing else, she had made it explicitly clear where she stood.

“Good,” she said and glanced at the clock. “Blimey, it's half eight already. You must want to get cleaned up. I don't imagine your clothes are any less sandy than mine were.”

“Oh, they're not that bad,” he protested.

“Yeah, see if you feel the same way after you've had a wash,” she countered, one eyebrow arched.

Fair point. “Right, then, I'll just...get on that.”

She relinquished his hand, and he stood. He pointed down the hall toward her bedroom and raised an eyebrow. She nodded and made to stand up and lead the way, but before she could get out of her chair, he knelt down in front of her, placing his hands on her knees.

“Look, I know this isn't...what you expected to happen. And I know that even though I feel like I'm him, even though I remember everything he did with you and feel everything he felt for you, I'm something different. I'm someone...different. And it wasn't as though he and I conspired to have things turn out this way, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't know what he had in mind when he set the coordinates to bring us here. So I just...I'm sorry. Only I'm not sorry at all because I get to be the one to stay with you and I have missed you _so very much._ Every day, I missed you. And here you are, even more amazing and beautiful and wonderful than ever, though how that's possible is utterly beyond me. I cannot imagine the past few years have been kind to you, yet somehow you seem to have come through them stronger and more brilliant than ever. And even after everything we've been through today, and despite the frustration and hurt you must be feeling, you haven't shut me out or written me off. And I just want you to know how grateful I am for it, Rose. Because it _does_ need saying.”

Rose stared at him, more than a bit gobsmacked. No kidding he was different. Definitely good-different, though. She leaned forward slightly and put her hands on his chest, regarding him more closely. His hands came up to rest on her hips, and his eyes flicked briefly to her lips before returning up to meet her gaze. Her stomach somersaulted. 

“Doctor...”

He leaned forward and kissed her before she could finish.


	4. Chapter 4

They were both out of breath when they finally pulled apart. They sat forehead to forehead for a few long moments; the giddy, slightly dizzy sensation in Rose's head was due to more than just the lack of oxygen. Oh, she had _missed_ that. And, if she could judge by the intensity with which he'd so thoroughly snogged her, so had the Doctor. Eventually, he spoke.

“I should, you know,” he began, gesturing behind himself toward the hallway.

“Yeah,” she agreed. She stood and pulled him up with her. His arms slid around her waist for another hug. She tucked her head under his chin and breathed him in. “I missed you, too.”

He chuckled. “I had a hunch.”

“The inter-dimensional travel against all odds was probably something of a giveaway, yeah?”

“Something like that.”

He planted a kiss on the top of her head, and she brought her hands back around to his chest. She turned then and reached for his hand, leading the way down the hall. _Let's get this over with._

“Now, you have to promise not to laugh...”

* * *

To his credit, the Doctor did not laugh. 

He did, however, gawp. Whatever he had been expecting Rose's bedroom to look like, it wasn't this.

The walls were painted a soft golden color and adorned with large-ish dark hexagonal markings. A mini-fridge sat in one corner, humming at a pitch that was startlingly familiar. In the opposite corner stood a large bookcase, stuffed to capacity. The duvet on Rose's bed was nearly the same shade of rich burgundy as the one on the Doctor's, back on the TARDIS. The desk, nightstand and chest of drawers were made of dark wood, like his own bedroom furniture. 

It wasn't a reproduction of his room on the time ship, exactly, but there was a definite air of homage. He walked over to a wall and traced one of the hexagons with a fingertip. The TARDIS had been Rose's home for over two years, while they'd traveled together. After their separation she'd kept it, and him, with her in the only way she could. 

Just as he had kept her room on the ship and found himself there many a time in the early days after he'd lost her, when the pain of missing her was too intense to ignore.

He turned and walked back over to the doorway where she still stood, looking at her hands, her feet, anywhere but at him. 

“It's stupid...” she started.

He put his hands on her shoulders and slid them down her arms before linking her fingers with his. “It's not.”

“It's just...when I first got stuck here, I had nightmares. Really...really bad nightmares. Reckon you know a thing or two about that.”

He nodded as her mouth quirked into half a smile. After Utah, after the discovery of an enemy that was not so very much dead and gone after all, after he'd nearly lost her to that enemy...yeah, he'd had nightmares. She'd held him through them, and he'd let her. In the year or so after that, they'd both had their share of troubled sleep and had taken turns comforting each other. Oh, not like _that_ (well, not at first, anyway); sometimes there really is nothing better than a hug to chase away a bad dream. Those first few weeks after Canary Wharf had been so brutally unpleasant that, unable to seek solace in her arms, he'd just stopped sleeping altogether for a while. (It wasn't as though he'd needed all that much to begin with; a few hours every few days was more than sufficient for a Time Lord.) After burning up a star and dealing with the shock of Donna's sudden appearance and almost losing himself under the Thames, he'd given in and asked the TARDIS to temporarily numb his mind like she had right after the Time War, to prod his dreams away from the horrific scenarios that played out in his subconscious over and over. Poor Rose hadn't had that option.

“Right, so, after Norway, the first time, I sort of traded the nightmares for insomnia. Was staying awake days at a time and then just passing out. I wasn't dreaming as much, but it wasn't exactly sustainable either. 'M just a little human, can't go weeks without sleep like you can. Er, well, could.” She gave an apologetic quirk of her eyebrows before continuing. 

“Anyway. I took this trip, right? Wanted to get out of the mansion for a little while, figured I'd never been to Barcelona-the-City, not in any universe, so I went. And there was this mini-fridge in the hotel room there, and it sounded...well, you know.” She nodded toward the fridge humming away in the corner. “Not like any fridge I'd ever heard back home. Something about the way the compressor's designed, in this universe. Anyway, after I'd finished bawling, I fell asleep, and it was the most restful sleep I'd had in months. I don't know if I tricked my brain into thinking I was safe on the TARDIS or what, but for the whole rest of that week, no nightmares. Mum thought it was all the sun and sand did me good, but it was being able to sleep, for the first time in months, without getting sucked into the Void or cyberized or losing you or my family in any number of horrible ways. Or even being able to dream about happy things without waking up quite so...sad.”

As she'd been talking, the Doctor's thumbs had taken up a slow but steady rhythm brushing across her knuckles. Back and forth. Back and forth. Rose squeezed his other fingers with hers.

“Bought the same make and model of mini-fridge as soon as I got back. Bought the flat the next week. But the walls in here were so...they were stark white. Too white. Like _that_ wall. I couldn't sleep in here, even with the humming, even in the dark. So I painted them. I thought just the gold would be nice, but it looked weird without the...y'know, the thingies. And I figured no one else had to know I was turning my bedroom into some sort of ridiculous security blanket, so I might as well just go for it. And that is the story of why my room here on Parallel Earth looks vaguely like your room on the TARDIS.”

He pulled her into a hug, then. “I am so sorry, Rose. I wish you'd never had to go through that, not any of it. But look at you, finding a solution. You're brilliant, you are.” 

“Ha. Well, it didn't stop the nightmares entirely. And when the dimension cannon project was still in the early stages I started having trouble sleeping again. But it's never been as bad as it was at first. 'S weird, but it has helped. Can't really argue with that.” She straightened and stepped backward. “Right. Washroom's through here. Towels are on that shelf. Anything else you need, give me a shout.”

The Doctor nodded, squeezed her hands once more, then walked into the en suite and shut the door. He stripped down and stood before the mirror, assessing. There hadn't been time for more than just a few cursory scans in the TARDIS, but he'd done enough to confirm that he would age more or less like a human and wouldn't regenerate. He had also verified the stability of his brain, thus covering the most critical bits of information about his new body and potential future. The rest would reveal itself over time, and he would probably have access to some of Torchwood's med-tech equipment if some especially urgent question arose. For the time being, a basic visual assessment would have to suffice.

“Bit scrawny,” he murmured aloud, realizing the moment it was out of his mouth where the thought had come from. _Great. Never really had a problem with how this body looked, before. Thanks so much for that, Donna._ He really didn't look any different. Still had the mole between his shoulder blades, even, much to his delight. He had just never particularly noticed how ribby he was. And those skinny arms and kind of bony shoulders... But Rose liked the way he looked. (More than liked, if past actions were any indication.) So that was good enough for him.

_Right. Washing._

He turned on the water and stepped into the shower.

* * *

Rose cleared away the teacups and binned the empty pizza box. She retrieved her jacket and the Doctor's suit coat and hung them on the pegs by the front door, then reached carefully into the pocket containing the TARDIS coral. Feeling around until she located the coral, she pulled it out and cradled it gently in her palm. It vibrated ever so slightly as she stroked it with her fingertips, humming so faintly as to be nearly inaudible, but there was no denying the life and potential contained within it. 

“I missed you too, you know,” she whispered. “We're going to take good care of you.” 

Casting one last glance about the room, she spotted the Doctor's borrowed knapsack on the floor and carried it back to the bedroom for him. She dropped it on the end of the bed and sat down next to it, still holding the coral, listening to the rushing of the water and letting her thoughts turn to the man in the shower. 

The Doctor. In her flat. In her shower. By all appearances, they would be spending the rest of both their lives together. It was a gift she'd never anticipated and a possibility she had never even considered. Who would have? Oh, she'd prepared herself for aging alongside an ever-vital Time Lord, knowing she would have to keep herself healthy and physically fit for as long as possible, so she wouldn't slow him down. Wouldn't do to fall and break a hip in the midst of making a getaway on some hostile planet, after all. The two of them growing old together, though, would be a whole different sort of adventure. Sure, it'd present its own challenges, of course; Rose reckoned there would be something of a learning curve for the Doctor as he grew accustomed to the limitations of his new part-human body, and her stomach momentarily clenched as she realized the distinct possibility that _she_ might have to watch _him_ die. Permanently. Suddenly his tendency to try to send her away from situations when death was a near-certainty didn't seem quite so unreasonable.

_Nope. Not getting carried away with thoughts like that tonight._

She turned her mind back to the Time Lord Doctor and wished there were some way to ease the pain he was undoubtedly feeling. It still felt wrong to let herself be happy about the way things had turned out, when her good fortune was at his expense. She crawled up the bed to stretch out and rest her head on the pillow. Bringing the TARDIS coral up to her face again, she stared at it, as if sheer force of will could allow her to get a message across dimensions to the fully-grown time ship. Hell, for all she knew, maybe the TARDISes would be able to communicate with each other one day (“I can see the whole of time and space,” after all.). It didn't seem completely out of the question. 

“Take care of him,” she whispered to the blue box a universe away. 

Setting the coral on the duvet beside her, Rose rolled onto her side and let her eyes slip shut. 

* * *

The Doctor walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked over to the bed, where Rose lay curled on her side, asleep or nearly. His breath caught in his throat, seeing her there, soft and vulnerable and so gloriously real. Knackered from a day spent defending the Earth. (Defending the Universe. The Multiverse, even.)

The knapsack sat on the foot of the bed. The Doctor opened it and fished out one of Pete's t-shirts. He rooted around a bit more, in search of something resembling pyjama bottoms, before remembering that he hadn't actually taken any from Jackie. Well, that was...an interesting decision on his part. He pulled the shirt on and dug out the too-big trousers. They'd do for the time being. Sort of. They sagged ludicrously low on his hips, but without a belt there wasn't much he could do about it. He fetched the toothbrush next; the plastic crinkled as he started to unwrap it, and Rose stirred, blinking against the light from the lamp.

“I'm sorry. Didn't mean to wake you. Should've taken this in the other room, but...”

“Is he gonna be okay?” 

Her voice was so small and sad. The Doctor opened his mouth to give his standard response (“Of course. I'm always all right. He will be, too.”) but paused. She knew the truth as well as he did; denial wasn't going to do anything but put distance between them. He let out a sigh.

“Eventually.”

Rose nodded, sitting up and rubbing at her eyes. “I just wish...argh, I don't even know what I wish. It's a lot to get used to, you bein' here in front of me but also a universe away at the same time. 'S like...like Schrodinger's Doctor or something.”

“Rose Tyler, did you just make a physics joke?” The Doctor beamed at her.

“Might've done, yeah,” she answered, with a tongue-touched grin, before sobering again. “It's just not fair that any version of you has to be sad and alone. Leaving us here and losing Donna the same day, and nobody to hold his hand when all's said and done? 'S not right.”

He sighed again and sat down beside her on the bed. “I got the better end of the bargain, Rose, no question. I don't know how to explain to you what it's like, though, being a Time Lord and feeling like you have to put literally the entire universe above your own happiness. Sure, you try to save the day and right the wrongs, but it doesn't always work out that way. I have done things. Things I'm not proud of. Not because I wanted to or even because I thought they were the best things to do but because I felt they _had_ to be done. And every time, I have had to pick up the pieces and move on, even if I lost people. Even if I lost myself. And I have lived for so long. Loss is just part of the package. I have carried on because there isn't any alternative.

“Granted, some losses are worse than others. I was damned lucky to find you right after the end of the Time War. And you remember what I was like back then, yeah? Grumpiness as a coping mechanism? I mean, honestly. If there was ever a chance for me to stay prickly and alone, that was the regeneration for it. And even then I couldn't manage it. Took a few trips, came dangerously close to meddling with some fixed points, but I couldn't stop thinking about you. So I broke my own rule about never asking twice and came back to tell you it also traveled in time. 

“I'm rambling again. The bottom line is that, yes, I really do always seem to end up all right eventually. The dark periods are painful, and some more than others, but they always end. I have never been very good at traveling solo. It's not that you're replaceable – no version of me could possibly forget you, ever – and the kind of love I feel for you is not something that comes easily to me and is certainly not something I've experienced more than a handful of times, ever. Nearly a thousand years of life, Rose, and I can count on one hand the number of people I've felt this way about. But you know me. Friends, now _those_ I make easily. And friends help make things bearable. So to answer your question, yes. Parallel me is almost certainly not in an especially great place right now, but he did what he believes was necessary, and he did it out of love for you. And he will probably get a bit reckless and make some bad decisions and might even go a bit mad for a while, but he will carry on and find his balance again. He is, ultimately, going to be okay.” 

Rose nodded thoughtfully. “Guess that's the best I could hope for, under the circumstances.” She sniffled, but the corners of her mouth turned up in the smallest of grins, even as she wiped away more tears. “Blimey, a girl could get used to this.”

The Doctor's brow furrowed. “Used to what?”

“You! Being all...open. Talking about feelings. 'S weird. But good weird.” She hugged him. “Should I be thanking Donna or what?”

He chuckled. “Weeeell, I suppose this is just one of the perks of humanity. Dunno. This life's too short to spend it holding each other at arm's length, isn't it? I want to be honest with you, Rose, and I want to make up for the times I made you doubt what you are to me. Regret is not a thing I let myself feel very much of, before. I'd have gone completely bonkers, to be honest. But ignoring your regrets and pretending they don't exist is a lot more work than just not having them in the first place.” He placed a kiss on the top of her head.

“'Spose you're right,” she murmured, stifling a yawn.

“And sure. I guess I never had much of a filter to begin with, in this regeneration, but Donna...I don't think she even knows the meaning of the word 'filter.' Direct link from brain to mouth with that one. That's...actually, that's something I'm going to want to be mindful of, probably.”

“Oh I don't know,” Rose looked up at him, grinning. “Doesn't seem like such a bad thing to me.”

“Ha! You say that now. I give it 48 hours on the absolute outside before I say something that earns me a swat.”

Rose laughed, then pointed to the trousers he was wearing. “You going somewhere? Bit overdressed for sleeping, don't you reckon?”

“It was this or starkers, I'm afraid. You were absolutely right; my suit trousers were far more sand-garnished than I'd realized, and I did not especially fancy the idea of putting them back on after having a wash. And I seem to have made a slight oversight in the pyjama department when I was packing things up at Pete and Jackie's.”

Rose sat up and scooted off the bed. She grabbed a pair of jogging bottoms out of her chest of drawers and tossed them at him.

“Here. They'll be comically short, but they ought to be more comfortable than what you've got. At the very least, they should fit better around your skinny arse.” Her tongue peeked out from between her teeth.

“Oi!” he protested. “I don't recall you having any problem with my bum before, Rose Tyler.”

“No, no I'm rather a fan, actually.” She grinned at him.

The Doctor smiled like his face was about to split in two. Bantering with Rose had always been brilliant. Before, it had been one of the things he'd made a point to try and do every single day. Now, it felt like being home again for the first time in a very long time.


	5. Chapter 5

Teeth were brushed, pyjamas (or some approximation thereof) were donned, the TARDIS coral was safely nestled in Rose's sock drawer, and all of the lights but the bedside lamp were shut off for the night. It was after ten; that the Doctor and Rose were still conscious at all was some sort of minor miracle. They hovered somewhat shyly near the bed, neither one wanting to be alone, but also unwilling to assume the other wouldn't want privacy. Rose finally spoke up.

“Right. Well, I don't know about you, but I am officially beyond knackered. D'you want...? I mean, if you'd rather...I could take the couch if you don't feel like...” She sighed and started again. “Look, no pressure. But there's only the one bedroom and the one bed, and it's yours if you want it. Or we could, y'know, share it. If you want. But I'm not saying...I mean, I'm not saying _no_ , either. Just not tonight. Because I really am really very tired. Really.”

_Well done, there, Rose. Familiar with how the English language works? At all? Gonna start babbling about mortgages next?_

The Doctor's hand found hers, grounding her. He gave her a soft smile. “Stay with me?”

“Yeah,” she breathed, relieved.

They settled themselves on the bed, and she rolled on to her side, reaching over to shut off the lamp. He scooted over behind her, placing a hand tentatively on her shoulder. She reached up and grabbed it, bringing his arm close around herself and ducking her chin to press a kiss to his knuckles. He hummed contentedly and snuggled closer, resting his cheek against the back of her head. Rose could feel the steady thud of his heartbeat against her back and let herself relax. Maybe it wasn't the double-heartbeat she'd expected to feel, her first night back with him, but that hardly mattered. He was there, and real, warm and wrapped around her. Suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude, she hugged his arm closer. 

“'M really glad you're here,” she whispered.

“Oh, Rose, so am I,” he replied. “And I'm glad that _you're_ glad to have me. I'm sorry you're not spending tonight on the TARDIS like you'd hoped, but we'll be out there among the stars again before you know it.”

She shook her head. Of course she missed the TARDIS and had been looking forward to traveling in her again, but it was more in the sense of missing a friend than missing the way of life. Not that she didn't love the travel and the adventure – of course she did – but after months of often harrowing cannon jumps (once the blasted thing had finally started working), a bit of a respite was honestly more than welcome. 

“Nah, think I've had enough excitement for a while. Perfectly fine with me, staying earthbound for now. Besides, stuck with you? That's not so bad.” She felt him chuckle at the memory. “Anyway I'm just glad we'll have stars to travel amongst, at all. All those worlds out there, safe in the sky because of Donna. Because of all of us.”

He lifted his head and pressed a kiss to her temple. At the contact, his mind brushed ever so gently against hers, and she felt a surge of warmth and affection from him. They'd discovered, shortly after he'd regenerated, that Rose had retained elevated levels of telepathic ability in the wake of Bad Wolf. It was still nothing like connecting with another Time Lord mind, but her ability to perceive his telepathic projections, as well as broadcast her own thoughts and feelings with control and restraint, was significantly beyond that of the average human. It had been a welcome surprise, and Rose knew the Doctor had greatly enjoyed being able to share that mental link with someone again, even if it was impermanent and could only be initiated and sustained through physical contact. 

_Blimey, now he doesn't even have the link with the TARDIS. How is he not going completely spare?_

She rolled over to face him, concerned.

“I'm so sorry I didn't even think of it til now. But you can...I mean, if it's hard not having the TARDIS in your head anymore...I don't mind, if it'll help you sleep or whatever.”

He smiled warmly at her. “I'm all right for now, but thank you. Got all this human exhaustion; don't think I'll have too much trouble sleeping, tonight.”

She nodded. “Okay. Well, the offer stands.”

“I appreciate that. Really. You have no idea how much.”

He rolled on to his back, pulling her with him so her head lay on his chest. She brought her hand up and rested it over his heart, feeling the comforting thump under her fingertips. Her eyes slipped closed, and she listened to his steady breathing. Bit by bit, the rest of the world fell away, until she was only aware of his heartbeat against her hand and the steady rise and fall of his chest under her cheek. Rose sighed deeply, contentedly, and began drifting off to sleep.

* * *

The Doctor floated in a warm state of semi-consciousness, one arm wrapped around Rose. His new human hormones were well aware of her proximity, but he was also quite tired. It was lovely just to hold her. His arms had never felt more empty than in her absense. To have her really there beside him was better than the best dream could be.

“Love you,” he murmured, half-asleep.

He heard her breathing halt, temporarily, felt her start a little at the sound of his voice. _Too soon? 'Course it's too soon. On the beach was one thing, but this...I never said it to her like this, before, and she's probably not ready to say it back, after everything that's happened today. Shit, I've mucked it up, made her feel uncomfortable..._

Then again, she hadn't seemed to mind his confessions and impulsive hugs, earlier. Clearly even though he'd been worried about convincing her he was the same man she'd known before, she hadn't been too bothered by the ways he had changed. Still, it would surely take some getting used to, and sleepy declarations were fairly out of character for the old him, and certainly she didn't _mind_ the new him, but maybe she wasn't ready to _love_ the new him, and...

“Doctor...”

“S'okay,” he whispered in a rush. “Sorry. Wasn't thinking. You don't have to say anything.”

She tipped her chin up and put her hand on his cheek.

“I love you,” she said. “Every version of you. Have for a long time, and I can't imagine it any other way.”

He smiled, happy to hear the words and relieved that he hadn't gone and created tension between them again, after all the ground they'd made up since that afternoon, on the beach. “I was really bad at saying it, before, but I have loved you for a long time, too.”

“Mmm, yeah you were,” she smiled back at him. “But I know.”

Her eyes drifted closed again, and he brushed his lips over her brow. “Sleep tight, Rose.”

“Sleep tight, Doctor.”


End file.
